Essentially, there are four steps to establishing a solid relationship with God. These steps are (1) Certainty, (2) Intimacy, (3) Maturity, and (4) Expectancy. God desires that our relationship with Him firstly establishes its foundation of certainty, which involves knowing Christ as Lord and Saviour, being indwelled by His Holy Spirit, understanding and meditating on His Word, and basically being sure of your salvation and place in Christ; Certainty! God also desires that we achieve Maturity, becoming mature believers in Him, not just feeding on “sincere milk” but upgrading ourselves to eating “solid food”, just as adults do who transition from infancy. Maturity sees us not being entangled by besetting sins and caught up in trifling issues. Instead it sees us standing sure and strong in Christ, unwavering, and being able to disciple and help others towards maturity. Then there is Expectancy where our faith increases and is strengthened and we trust in God so much to the point that we are fully convinced of who He is and His ability to reward those who diligently seek Him. But in order for Certainty to be strengthened, and Maturity and Expectancy to be possible, there must be the step of Intimacy.

Why is Intimacy with God so important?

Firstly, what exactly is Intimacy?

“Intimacy with God” is the Holy Spirit-led process of character, attitude and lifestyle development that brings a believer into a closer relationship with God with the aim of knowing Him personally.

God desires that a believer has a closer relationship with Him for the following reasons:

(i) To hear His voice with clarity and communicate with sincerity

He desires that we hear Him with clarity….

“Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.” – John 8:47 (ESV)

….and also with sincerity….

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)

(ii) To have our Faith increased and our Obedience fulfilled

Intimacy helps our Faith to increase (see 2 Thessalonians 1:3) and our obedience to also be fulfilled (see 2 Corinthians 10:6).

(iii) To be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” – 2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV)

I want you to imagine with me “Intimacy with God” as a door that has to be opened. In order to open this door, we have to use a set of keys. These keys are on a single bunch, so therefore they work in isolation, and they would open the “door” of “intimacy” sequentially, meaning that one has to work before another and not in random order. If you want to open the door of intimacy with God, to achieve true companionship with Him to know Him personally, the keys have to be used in the order given. There are five of them and here they are:

Key #1: The Mercy of God

⁴ But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— Ephesians 2:4-5

God actually helps us here, in that this first key is actually one that He gives to us. He is rich in mercy so therefore He extended mercy to us, even when we were dead (not just fallen but dead) in our sins. It’s as if God is saying, “no worries, here you are; the first key is on me”. No level of intimacy with God could be achieved without His mercy. His mercy opens the way for our confession, repentance, and transformation.

 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:16

God’s mercy leads us to repentance and helps us to get on the right track. However, we cannot just depend on Him being merciful to achieve intimacy with Him. His mercy is the first key that is needed, otherwise the rest of the lock would not be open. He has helped us in this regard, as He Himself has given us the key of mercy to begin opening the lock to intimacy with Him. Mercy commences the unlocking process, but there are four other keys that have to begin working.

Key #2: The Searching of the Heart

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

God’s mercy was towards Jesse and his household. But it didn’t mean that their hearts were right. The one whose heart was right, in God’s sight, was David’s. The searching of the Heart is a critical step that must come after receiving God’s mercy. The Heart itself has to first be searched and issues concerning it have to be dealt with if you intend on growing further in Christ.

But why is the heart so significant? 

As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. – Proverbs 27:19

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. – Matthew 6:21

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. – Proverbs 4:23

The heart is significant because (1) it reveals who a man truly is, (2) it stores his treasures, and (3) it is the source of all factors that impact his life. These factors help to reveal the identity, spiritual health, and even destiny of an individual. The Heart is the source of the state of the mind of an individual and also the driving force behind their actions. What we speak is directly from the Heart. The Heart has to be dealt with as it produces the things that would be recorded concerning us in judgment; thoughts, actions, words, and intentions. Sin tainted our Hearts, causing them to become vile and wicked, only being able to produce “the issues of life”. But God wanted to do something about that, which must start with us allowing Him to search our Hearts.

What does the Lord do in response to our hearts?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” – Jeremiah 17:9-10

But there is a remedy that He presents:

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” – John 7:38

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. – Ezekiel 36:26

When the key of “Searching of the Heart” is accessed, the Holy Spirit is allowed to search us and reveal what needs to be dealt with in our lives. This leads to total heart transformation, where instead of the issues of life being the sole things pouring out of our hearts, our hearts can instead become a wellspring of living water.

Key #3: The Mind of Christ

⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:5-8 (ESV)

The mind of Christ comes from a searched and refined heart. When using this key, you begin the process of having your very mind become His. Your mind processes all the thoughts and issues from your heart, and translates them as your actions and character. It activates your ideas and decisions as it pushes your body towards work. 

And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]. – Romans 12:2 (AMP)

Having the Mind of Christ seeks to help us prove or know what God’s will is. His mind in us helps us to think on what God desires. The way that a man thinks reveals who the man is (see Proverbs 23:7) and what state his heart is in. That is why we firstly engage in the previous key, which is allowing the Holy Spirit to search our hearts, so that the right state of mind can be created. Secondly, we submit our mind and thoughts to the authority of Jesus Christ (see 2 Corinthians 10:1-5) so that our thoughts will be on what is pleasing to God, the integrity of our hearts can be kept, and the production of Godly actions can occur.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

Key #4: The Killing of Flesh

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:24 (ESV)

As the key of the Mind of Christ opens, the key of killing the flesh also becomes functional. Those with the Mind of Christ carry His Spirit and therefore belong to Him. Those who belong to Him have crucified the flesh (earthly passions and desires).

There are three things you have to understand about this key:

• It requires the Spirit and Mind of Christ
• It is a process
• It involves discipline (Discipline is powered by three factors – the Spirit, Commitment, and Systems).

²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. ²⁵ Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. ²⁶ So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. ²⁷ But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. – 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

The killing of the flesh is an important spiritual process that seeks one thing; to have Christ living in and through you. As a runner requires the right mentality and discipline, so too does the killing of the flesh require it. This locks becomes functional, firstly, when the Mind of Christ is established in us. Having the Mind of Christ helps you to understand properly the importance of forsaking the flesh. This key then becomes activated when we begin renouncing sin and carnality and focusing on the things of God.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20

Our responsibility in killing the flesh is to not sow into the flesh. Don’t give fleshy desires space or fuel. As Galatians 2:20 says, when we are crucified in Christ, it is Christ who is living in and through us now and not ourselves.

For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. – Galatians 6:8

Key #5: The Honouring of Commitment

If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. – Numbers 30:2

The final key in opening up the lock of accessing intimacy with God is one of the most difficult things that many believers struggle to actually achieve; honouring their commitments. At times, we make commitments to God when we are in desperate situations. “Lord, if you do this for me, I will serve you all my life”, is a frequent commitment that is made that is seldomly kept. Commitments are not merely statements that must be uttered in times of desperation. They are part of covenant promises that God would upkeep, because He is a covenant-keeping God.

1 John 1:9 says that God is “faithful and just to forgive us” and this occurs when we “confess our sins”. We see here that when we confess our sins and faults, God sees it as His pleasure and expressed commitment (faithful) and also as His legal responsibility (just) to do two things; (i) to forgive us, and (ii) to cleanse us. Just as He honours His commitments, we must also honour ours. After all, intimacy seeks to build a relationship between us and God.

In our honouring of our commitment to God, what do we commit?

James 4:7 – Submit yourself therefore to God…. (Our selves/our lives)

Psalm 37:5 – Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. (Our ways)

Proverbs 16:3 – Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. (Our work)

We firstly commit our lives, our ways, and our work. Our lives are primarily surrendered at salvation and consistently surrendered during our lifetime (see Romans 12:1-2). Our ways involve all aspects about ourselves – character, thoughts, ideas, etc. Finally, our work involves both our efforts and even the resources we have that both come from our work and/or contribute to our work being possible. For more insight into this, check out my article/video series here on “Understanding Biblical Stewardship” (see the link below):

Understanding Biblical Stewardship (3-Part Video series)

Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. – 1 John 2:6 

There are dangers associated with not honouring the commitments that we make to God:

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. – James 4:4

Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” – Luke 9:62

Honouring our Commitments to God indicate our Faithfulness. We are to be found Faithful in God’s sight (see Luke 18:8 and 1 Corinthians 4:1-2). Faithlessness, or rather, a lack of honouring our commitments to God, means that our hearts were not searched, our minds not transformed to that of Christ, and our flesh is not killed, even though mercy was extended to us.

Conclusion

I pray that this becomes a guide for you, and for us all, in gauging our relationship with God. It is important that we are able to see where we are with Him and to know exactly what needs to be rectified. Maybe the first two or three keys are functional in your life, or maybe only God’s mercy has been the only key to intimacy activated in your life. Nevertheless, Christ desires that all these keys to opened to achieve true intimacy with Him.

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